How A Horrible Haircut Showed Me What Love Is

I had my hair cut this week.

Technically, I had my hair cut twice this week. The first time, I had a spur-of-the moment idea to get it shortened several inches. “I just don’t like the way my hair looks now,” I complained to my husband.

“You’re beautiful the way you are, and I like longer hair.” he assured me.

We dialogued back and forth for several minutes but the crux of the matter was this: I wanted something that he didn’t. Finally, he said the magic words.

“Just do what you want.”

The tone was one of long-suffering and patience tried, but I had my way, didn’t I?

Off I raced to the salon, plopped myself into a chair, and showed the hairdresser the simple-but-basic-but-totally-chic hairstyle I wanted.

Picture a deflated balloon on a limp string, bumping along behind a whiny child.

Two hours later I was that balloon. My head looked like it had been attacked by zombies instead of the barely-christened hairdresser. Two stringy locks hung past my ears, and in the back, the hair was trimmed like an upside-down “U” shape.

“My manager will be here tomorrow, so come back then and she’ll fix it for you,” the little stylist promised.

This did not help me at ALL. Tonight was my worry, not today. I had pressed and pushed to do what I wanted to, now I was ashamed. Ashamed of how I looked. Worthy only of a well-deserved “I told you so”.

I walked in the door and stood there, waiting for judgment. Yet he still didn’t speak the words I knew were coming. Tentatively, I asked, “how do you like my haircut?”

My husband looked at me as if he didn’t notice the gaps and butchered layers. Then he said, “It doesn’t even look bad.”

Words of mercy, words of love.

Balm on my disgrace, mercy to my shame. Love.

There are millions of people the whole world over who are choosing to love even when it’s hard. They put their spouse first and sacrifice their own desires for the good of the marriage as a whole. They take turns carrying the load when their spouse is unable to carry their “fair” share.

Love looks like…..

a husband working long hours, yet coming home to cook dinner for his barely-pregnant wife who can’t keep food down. It’s a wife looking down another slow day of full-time toddler care so her husband can go fishing after a hard week at work.

Love is…

spoon-feeding a spouse with Alzheimer’s disease when they’ve forgotten how to lift food to their mouths. And yes, love looks like keeping that “I told you so!” tightly locked inside when it would really be the perfect opportunity to blast it out.

Many people have good marriages without Jesus. But I think truly great marriages can only come when both people love Jesus with all their heart and soul. Do you know why? Because great love comes from knowing and understanding great love.

“We love because He first loved us”. (1 John 4:19)

I don’t know how to live that kind of sacrificial love without Jesus. I don’t know how to give up what I want, or forgive hurtful words, or trust a flawed person to lead me without Jesus at the helm. Yet in Jesus I am covered by His blood. I am forgiven and shown true grace and mercy. In Ephesians 3, Paul prays that “Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height—to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge”. (Ephesians 3:17-19a)

Love that passes knowledge. Love that you plumb the depths of over and over, yet never find the bottom.

I sat in the hairdresser’s chair twice this week, but what I will remember most is that I was loved. Truly loved.

Take a moment:

1: Meditate on the kind of love we received from Christ. Meditate on His goodness and mercy. Meditate on His kindness.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)

“Walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.”( Ephesians 5:2)

“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)

“ But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2:4-7)

2. Write down the ways God, who was rich in mercy, has loved you out of your own sin and shame. Jot down a prayer of thanks for His glorious love.

3. Consider your actions towards your spouse lately. Have you been loving, or self-serving? Think of one thing you could do today to show love to them. Possible ideas include cooking a special meal, writing a note of thanks for their hard work, giving a gift-card to their favorite coffee shop, organizing time away from their responsibilities for a few hours, or holding hands on the couch while you listen to life from their perspective.