Six Secrets I’ve Learned While Raising Six Children

 

Parenting is hard, AMIRIGHT? But after parenting for almost ten years I’ve learned a few key secrets along the way that I’d love to pass on. These six secrets are the reason I’m still functioning like a semi-normal adult. I hope you take one or two to heart and learn to enjoy life on the run. Because with six children, you’re definitely going to be running. (Even if it’s just to fish a little person out of their toilet tea-party or catch a kid as they plummet down the highest slide on the playground). Pretend this is just a heart to heart at the local coffee shop while our kids juggle sugar packets and try to taste empty cups from the trash.

6. I’ll never check every single chore off my list.

I’m learning to be okay with that. Just about the time I get done mopping, someone will drop a plate or create artistic sculptures with their peanut butter sandwich on the tile. If I exert an incredible amount of energy and fold all the laundry, there will undoubtedly be a mud fest in the backyard creating another mountain of dirty clothes. Then I’ll have to clean up the mud ring in the bathtub, wipe the muddy footprints from the floor, hand wash all the small children, and on it goes.

This doesn’t mean I stop trying though. I have taken the route of giving up for a day or two, and do you know what happens? It gets horribly dirty. Pigsty quality dirty. I’ve got to have a happy medium somewhere between “Better Homes and Gardens” and “We Live With Chickens”.

So I’m learning to be okay with “just okay”.

Sometimes reading a story to the kids, or exploring the great outdoors is more important than a clean counter-top. One day, I suppose, my house won’t have pen marks from top to bottom, but today is not that day. Today I’ll just invest in a few more magic erasers.

5. Interruptions are an unavoidable part of life with kids.

Gone are the days when you could really dedicate yourself to a project or set a timeline and actually stick to it.

I’ve been sitting here trying to write for thirty minutes and during that time I’ve medicated a bug bite, listened to a monologue from my six year old, been given a broken baseball trophy and the excuse that came with it, put the baby to nap, brought toilet paper to the one potty training, supervised the cleanup of a bloody ankle and was entrusted with the top secret spot to dig for fishing worms in the back yard.

Is it any wonder I can’t remember normal conversational words like “refrigerator”, or “cereal” let alone doctor appointments, and birthdays!

Interruptions are a major part of my life, but they are also part of the journey. I read a blog once that said something like this: “As moms, many times we get frustrated with our children because they are interrupting what WE had planned for ourselves.” Sounds pretty selfish of us doesn’t it? But I’ve realized that it’s true. My aggravation rises when I have to make an unplanned stop on my journey.

But through my children, the Lord is teaching me to slow down, and find the beauty in the journey. It’s not always about the destination, sometimes the joy happens on the way.

4. There’s a lot less boredom than you’d think.

When I had two kids, I had to be the instigator of all the fun. They needed me to think up the games, play the games, clean up the games, and then give them new games. They relied on my sporadic imagination to create projects and crafts for them.

With six, they’ve learned to use their own imaginations and even the little ones get drawn into the fun. They build blanket forts in the den, color at the kitchen table, put together Lego creations, climb trees like Tarzan, and create elaborate (and dangerous) ramps for their bike stunts in the backyard. As they entertain themselves, they’re learning vital skills like creativity, and imaginative play. And that, my friends, is a blessing I never saw coming!

My main problem these days is how to tackle all the mischief that their little brains think up!!!!

3. Delegation is my best friend.

When I had two kids, I had to make sure the bags were packed, the snacks made it to the car, and that everyone’s shoe laces were tied when we headed out the door.

These days I delegate everything.

“Joseph, grab the peanut butter and make a few sandwiches. Daniel, take the diaper bag and the library books and put them in the car. Little kids, put your shoes on! Buckle the seat belt of the person you sit beside!”(I just want to give a personal shout-out to whoever invented Velcro shoes. You are my hero.)

There isn’t room for an abundance of selfishness in a little tribe. Learning to work as a team is vital to making life happen around here.

Some days I even see them putting this into practice WITHOUT my guidance.

I’ll hear their whispers of kindness when they say things like,

“Can I help you get on the bike?”

“Let me reach a cup for you because I’m taller.”

“Mom, the girls stayed home and didn’t get ice-cream, can I share some of mine with them?”

“I’ll read a story to you since Mom is busy”.

Of course, my kids aren’t perfect angels and so they can frustrate each other, but they also watch out for each other. I can’t count the number of times someone has come running in to let me know that a younger sibling is in trouble or needs help.

I’m grateful they’re developing these character traits. I want them to grow up noticing the ones in need and lending a hand when they can. I pray they continue to practice this all their lives.

2. The more kids I have, the less stressed I am.

You probably won’t believe me, but having six kids is actually LESS stressful than when I only had two. The first time someone threw open the front door and staggered in covered in blood and screaming, I panicked. Now I’m pretty chill about the whole thing. When someone leaves a blood trail over the kitchen tile, falls out of a tree, or stabs a metal rod into their teeth, I’m better at assessing the situation. Not everything requires an ER visit. Sometimes a cold washcloth, a few butterflies, and snuggling with Mama will do the trick. (Sometimes not, but that’s a whole ‘nother post on my free-spirited, fearless, wild-child!)

I’ve been around the block a few times in this child-rearing journey and the stresses of life don’t weigh me down like they did when I had two. When I had two, I worried that they weren’t eating enough, or potty-training quick enough, or that they only spoke five words at 18 months.

Now that I have six, I worry that I’M too busy to eat, that my bladder will fail from putting off bathroom trips so long, and that I can only repeat five phrases over and over: “No”, “Yes”, “Maybe”, “Because I said so”, and “Be careful”.

But I digress. We were talking about less stress.

To be clearer, it’s less stressful because I’m realizing I can’t actually control this little world of mine.

When I only had two kids, I felt like I could actually be the perfect mom, and keep things together without falling apart. With six, I’ve fallen apart more times than I can count, but I now know with surety, that Jesus cares for these children far more than I do. God’s got angels dedicated to watching over my kids and keeping them safe from harm. (Psalm 91) He gives me the strength to rise up each morning and say, “God, You are faithful. Thank You for giving me another day to be a Mom. Forgive me where I will fall short, and help me trust YOU to take care of my children today.”

Six children have shown me that I can’t rely on myself, I’ve got to cast my cares and anxieties on Jesus, because He cares for them, and He cares for me too. (1 Peter 5:7)

1. My top secret? I need Jesus.

Oh friends, my children have shown me how MUCH I NEED JESUS.

Just typing this, my eyes begin to tear up because my need for him is so raw and desperate. How can I do this mom-thing without Him? I can’t.

Jesus is the reason I can get out of bed in the morning when I’m blasted with the theme song, “Whinin’ and Cryin’ All Day Long”.

He’s the One who gently corrects me for yelling at my kids when I’m stressed out, and He sits on my temper when I want to let it explode, volcano style.

He’s the Chef I’ve got on speed dial when I can’t figure out what to fix for dinner.

When I wake up in the middle of the night worried over my children or heartbroken over our nation, Jesus is right there.

He encourages me to boldly pray for people in the Dollar General when I’d rather pay for my bread and diapers and slip out the door.  Jesus is my confidant, my secret keeper, the One who told me I was getting headaches from taking too many vitamins, and the One who whispers, “Go check on your kids RIGHT NOW!” He’s got practical advice that isn’t found on Google, and He’s worked miracles on me that I can still scarcely believe.

Jesus is God. He’s MY God. And I’m so thankful.

So if you’ve got children, remember that your biggest secret, tool, and chart will never compare to Jesus. Look to Him for help in all you do, and remember Proverbs 3:5-6.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”

I’d like to leave you with these verses from Deuteronomy 10: 12-21. Read them and meditate on them. God is good. All the time, God is good.

12 “And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and to love Him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul,

13 and to keep the commandments of the Lord and His statutes which I command you today for your good?

14 Indeed heaven and the highest heavens belong to the Lord your God, also the earth with all that is in it.

15 The Lord delighted only in your fathers, to love them; and He chose their descendants after them, you above all peoples, as it is this day.

16 Therefore circumcise the foreskin of your heart, and be stiff-necked no longer.

17 For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality nor takes a bribe.

18 He administers justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the stranger, giving him food and clothing.

19 Therefore love the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.

20 You shall fear the Lord your God; you shall serve Him, and to Him you shall hold fast, and take oaths in His name.

21 He is your praise, and He is your God, who has done for you these great and awesome things which your eyes have seen.