I’m pretty depressed. Angry too. Upset at life and how it’s going lately.
I’m usually pretty complacent and able to accept the status quo without turbulence, but this pandemic of epic proportions is shaking my foundations. I’m queasy from the ride and I want to get off, but there is no off-button. Instead I am a casualty of the fight, warned to hold my position with excellence simply by staying still.
I feel guilty for my heaving emotions when I consider those on the front lines who are facing a fight far greater than can imagine. They are the real heroes…the ones who walk into the battle not knowing if they will march out alive in victory on the other side. I pray for those dear souls that they would be strengthened with the power of God as they fulfill their mission to care for the weak and dying.
Yet here I am, overwhelmed.
I’ll just go ahead and tell you, when stress comes around, I’m an avoider.
Marriage issues? Let’s sleep on it, it will probably matter less when I’m not exhausted.
Filthy house? I’m gonna go watch a few comedic shows to “get my mind off of it”.
Kids taking turns throwing fits for several hours back to back? I’ll probably be locked in the bathroom taking five to stress-breathe.
But this insidious virus is breaching the defenses of my usual stress-relief mechanisms.
Every where I turn, I’m reminded of the disturbing realities of our forced confinement whether it’s the local news station, Facebook, or the pop-ups on my Google search bar. I’m sure that you feel the same way.
I’ve been coping today by eating cookies. I don’t know how many I’ve consumed since I baked them yesterday, but….it’s a lot.
I’m drinking coffee even though I know it will make me break out like I’m repeating the chicken pox I had at fifteen. I’ve yelled at my kids today in exasperation, swept the kitchen twice, and now I’m fighting the urge to slam my laptop shut, crawl back into bed, and add another show to my Amazon Prime watch-list.
But I can’t stop writing, because my heart is craving vital truth. I need a reminder that there is a God in heaven “who stretches the north over empty space; He hangs the earth on nothing”. (Job 26:7)
All His mighty works that He completes on the earth “are the mere edges of His ways”(Job 26:14).
I need to meditate on Isaiah 26:3-4 which says, “You keep him(or her) in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.”
I want to remember that my true and only foundation, my place of eternal security and rest is the foundation of Jesus Christ, and Him only. (1 Corinthians 3:11)
My heart hungers for the faith and steadfast fortitude of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego who were faced with fire and yet still said these words, “Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of your hand , O King. But if not, be it known to you, O, king, that we will not serve your gods, or worship the golden image that you have set up.”(Daniel 3:17-18)
If not.
If God doesn’t rescue me from a pandemic. If He allows my children or husband to be taken. If the fiery furnace crawls up the rafters, and burns seven times hotter and scorches the ones standing near me, still, even in this, I choose to trust God.
I say these words by faith because my soul shrinks back from pain and suffering.
I choose by faith to focus on the God who is able to bring me hope in darkness, and peace when I lift my eyes to His loving face. I’m choosing to plant my feet on the only foundation, Jesus Christ, and anchor my soul on His promises, which are Yes and Amen to the glory of God.(Hebrews 6:19-20 and 2 Corinthians 1:20)
Now if you read the gospels, Jesus told a lot of stories called parables. He used these stories to illustrate spiritual truths and help his audience understand the heart of the Father. This story I’m about to tell illustrates the truth God is pressing on my heart today.
When I was young, we would travel three hours south and visit my grandparents on their farm. Sometimes we would get a chance to socialize with my nearby cousins and on this particular occasion, my sister and I spent the night at their house. We stayed up late, talked, watched movies, and contemplated sneaking out the window and prowling the yard at midnight. (Mom, for the record, if you read this we DID NOT sneak out! Probably because we couldn’t yank the window high enough for our snack-laden selves to slither out)
In the morning, my aunt cooked a wonderful breakfast for us then assigned us kitchen duty before we ran off to play. I was given the task of washing all the dishes while the other two swept, put away food, and wiped down the counters. I stood over the sink, shifting from one foot to the other as I scrubbed pans and passed them to my right to be dried and put away.
As I reached for another dish, my uncle happened to walk behind us, probably to check on our progress. He stopped behind me and stared down into the murky dishwater I was using to “clean” the dishes.
The water, now cold, was gray and covered with a film of grease. There wasn’t a soap bubble left in the sink as I swirled a cloth around a bowl and dunked another spoon under the tepid stream of rinsing water.
He cleared his throat. “I think it’s time to change the water, don’t you? I don’t think the dishes are getting very clean. Why don’t you drain the sink and refill it with hot water and soap this time.”
At first, I was embarrassed. How had I missed the fact that I was washing dishes in water filthier than the dishes themselves? But without his direction, I would have continued soaking pots and pans in dirty water, and believing they were clean.
I think that my life is sometimes like that water.
I’m inching my way through a cesspool of slime until Jesus looks down into my heart and says, “Dear one, something needs to change. There’s a sink full of fear and worry clogging your heart that must be drained. Believe that I still am in control. Have faith and trust in the One who created the universe and still calls you by your name. Meditate on My great faithfulness and on My promises that remind you of My incredible love for you. Refill your sink with the cleansing power of My living word, and with the knowledge that this life is short, only a breath, only a space, but from everlasting to everlasting, I Am God.”(Psalm 90:1-2)
I’m thankful that my precious Jesus isn’t leaving me trapped in a pit of despair today. I’m thankful that He’s already used His truth to drain some of my fears. There’s joy beginning to bubble up in my heart where only a few hours ago, there was anger and depression.
So thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ. (2 Corinthians 2:14)
Thanks be to the One who swallows up our mortality with life and has given us the Holy Spirit as a down payment of our promised dwelling place in heaven.(2 Corinthians 5:1-5)
I love the way the New Living Translation writes 2 Corinthians 3:4… “We are confident of all this because of our great trust in God through Christ.”
I am confident in this, that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.(Psalm 27:13)
We aren’t dead yet. We still reside in the land of the living. So let’s pledge to be confident of the Lord’s goodness even here, even now, even when the whole world looks dark.
Be confident.
God is still good.
Take a moment:
1. Read 2 Corinthians 1:8-11.
8 For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.
9Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.
10 He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.
11You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.
2. Answer these questions:
What happened to Paul in Asia?(vs 8)
What emotions did Paul feel during the trouble and affliction?(vs 9)
On who does Paul trust for deliverance? Why does Paul trust so strongly in Him? (Hint: think past, present and future)(vs 9-10)
What are we asked to do both for ourselves and for our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? (vs 11)
3. Are you struggling today like I am? Reach out through social media, text, or phone call to a friend that you trust to pray for you. Add me to your prayer list as well because I know that our God hears each cry of His children’s heart and our unified prayer is a powerful and holy thing. I pray for you, my dear friends, that the Holy Spirit would bring joy even in your trials and tribulations, and that the testing of your faith would produce a great reliance upon our foundation stone, Jesus Christ.
4. Listen to “Promises Never Fail” by Bethel Music and Emmy Rose on their album Victory
